So many things — beautiful or sad — go on in my mind all the time but they can’t sort
themselves into words.
I looked in a mirror for the first time in days and saw how beautiful I am outside and realised
why so many people — guys — look at me.
And yet I’m alone, I can’t find people.
J and I got back to good times yesterday and had a beautiful talk for hours.
But shit, her health living is getting me down. I feel unwelcome every time I light a smoke.
She and B don’t touch alcohol, go to bed by 9.30 each night and are up for exercise by 6.
Always, now more than ever, I’m talking to my twin soul — the guy I am to love — and sharing
every little experience or moment of beauty with him.
It’s so hard to find people who understand you when you’re me.
~ ~ ~
Two Maori guys on the train tonight were so cool.
I love their outlook on life. Man, they’re so different from us.
They were unreal, talking about the city, and back home, about all the fights they get into,
the pakehas and racism, gangs and the hard time they get from the cops, about festivals,
bands and gaol.
And still they’re much more honest than we can ever be.
Reminds me of the Indian guys in Dunedin.
When I first met them they told me about the shifting, sliding eyes of Europeans.
In Wellington there are free people, people I want to know, just everywhere.
Thousands of them standing on corners or walking by.
Being in this big city makes me so happy and sad.
Happy cos I dig the people I see, sad cos I can’t reach them.
More sad than happy …
Town was just so beautiful today. Thousands of beautiful God children there and I felt at home even if they were strangers. They’re still friends.
Long-haired girls in long frocks and bare feet, sitting all day by a fountain.
Student guys with long hair and little wire glasses wandering around, groups gathering in
squares, girls in Wranglers and gypsy frocks.
Here you can wear anything, there are so many freaks around I have noticed hardly any
straight kids.
A friend of J’s came for tea and we had a really cool night.
She’s just come back from the States and she’s so alive.
She can imitate any accent or character. We were in fits.